Well, another summer has come and gone where I have not hosted gatherings of friends in the way I had envisioned when we bought our house. As we walked though with the realtor on a chilly December day, I pictured friends lounging around the fire pit on the back patio on summer evenings, chatting late into the evening. But, it's been three and a half years, and though we've hosted on a few occasions, it's nowhere near the frequency I had hoped for. There are lots of reasons for that, but mostly it's just hard to coordinate everyone and everything needed to make it happen.
It appears I’m not the only one - we’ve been hearing more and more that Americans are lonely. Statistics show that, while we still have friends, we spend less time with them than in previous decades (The Atlantic; study - The American Friendship Project). There’s also the further complication of the increasing polarization and growing hyper-individuality of American life. Add to that the reality that our schedules feel busier than ever, and that the most visible examples we have for being together are the highly curated scenes on tv and social media - is it any wonder we don’t have the time or energy for social gatherings?
In response to these concerning statistics, there’s been a growing focus on cultivating community and bridging divides. I’ve especially enjoyed the work of Katherine Goldstein, a journalist focused on communities and care. One of her more popular pieces offers encouragement toward what she calls “Deep Casual Hosting”. Goldstein describes it in this way: “In this method of hosting, you are going casual on the surface, so you can go deeper with your connections and relationships by regularly gathering in a more relaxed setting.” Basically, when it comes to gathering, one of the reasons it’s so difficult is that we’ve set the bar too high - we can only have people over if it’s an important occasion, and the house is immaculate, and the recipes we make will impress our guests.
The result of that approach, though, is the opposite of what we actually want. Not only are we less likely to host at all because of all the time, energy, and expense required for that kind of gathering, but we’re also making it more intimidating for others to reciprocate. If the goal is meaningful connection, then we would best be served by directing energy and effort to just being together - not to a magazine-worthy tablescape or complex recipes. Goldstein lists a number of strategies to move gatherings from vision to reality: accepting help when friends want to bring something, keeping it simple, inviting even on short notice. Especially in times of polarization, uncertainty, and grief, the gift of community - real, honest, joyful community - is exactly what we need.
 |
| Photo by Considerate Agency on Unsplash |
As we turn to the Sabbath dinner party Jesus attends at the beginning of today’s gospel reading, we see how it does not fit the bill for the “deep casual hosting” Goldstein describes. First, the meal is at the home of a leader of the Pharisees - the religious leaders with whom Jesus has a fraught relationship throughout the gospels. Rather than being a way to mend fences or a bid for connection, this dinner invitation appears to be a way for the religious leaders to keep a close eye on Jesus, and catch him in some kind of social or theological faux pas. Jesus, though, was paying attention, too. And as the other guests came in to dinner, Jesus saw them choosing to sit in the places of honor.
In response, Jesus gives what feels like common-sense advice through the words of a parable about guests at a wedding banquet. If you walk into a party thinking you’re the most important person in the room and seat yourself accordingly, you’d better hope that’s actually the case. If not, you may be surprised and embarrassed when someone more distinguished is given your seat, and you have to make the walk of shame to the lowest seat, the one that’s still open because no one wanted it. Yes, if honor is what you’re after, you’re better off finding a lower place to start and waiting for your host to come and say, “Friend, move up higher.” Everyone will see you move to the place of honor - in a good way!
In addition to advice for the guests, Jesus also has a few words for those who wish to host. When you host a luncheon or dinner, consider carefully the guest list. Are you inviting people because of their ability to reciprocate? Are you stacking the guest list with wealthy or powerful people, in hopes that their attendance will boost your social standing? What about a different way? When you give a banquet, invite the people you have no reason to impress, who have no way to pay you back, who neither expect nor deserve an invitation, who won’t raise your status one bit (and who may instead lower it). They may not be able to reciprocate, but you’ll be blessed all the same.
The scenes that Jesus describes offer us glimpses of life in the Kingdom of God, both here and now and in the world to come. The ones who are gathered at God’s table include the lonely and hurting, the poor and outcast. Impressive credentials don’t matter, wealth and prestige have no place. Instead, we are welcome just as we are - no need to jockey for status or try to out-do one another. We aren’t ranked by holiness or obedience or anything else, but rather invited by the one who made us and called us good. Indeed, when Jesus extends an invitation to the heavenly feast and the foretaste we share now, the goal is not competition of any kind, but rather meaningful connection, deep nourishment, and abundant joy.
We've seen this kind of meaningful connection around the table here in settings like Pub Theology, young adult gatherings, Dining Divas, and Morning Conversation. I think the popularity of these events speaks to our hunger for exactly this kind of connection and meaningful conversation with one another; our hunger for exactly this kind of welcome. As we seek to live into the kingdom of God even here and now, we give thanks for spaces where we can just be - where there are no hoops to jump through, no places of honor to suss out or strive for, no tests to pass or traps to avoid. Instead, we come together as God’s beloved people, honoring one another as God honors us, regardless of status or anything else.
Soon, we will be invited to the communion table by Jesus, who is both our host and our meal. We will gather alongside the saints of all times and places, and simply enjoy the gracious hospitality of our host, for indeed we cannot repay him. In this meal, each place is a place of honor. The food, though simple, bears the wonder and mystery of Jesus. Jesus, who is present with us in this bread and cup; Jesus, who feeds us with his very body and blood, offering forgiveness and grace, salvation and healing - for you.
From this table, we are sent out to share the good news - there are places of honor for all, and Jesus continues to welcome us into life together. We are free to share in conversation and make deep connections, to offer and receive hospitality, and to welcome one another as God has welcomed us.
Comments
Post a Comment