On Easter evening, the risen Jesus appeared to his fearful and uncertain disciples. He proclaimed peace, breathed the Holy Spirit on them, and sent them out to continue his work in the world.
We don’t know how much time elapsed from that evening until the lakeside gathering we heard about in today’s Gospel reading. But for all of the disciples’ rejoicing that day, Jesus’s sending hadn’t gotten them very far. They don’t seem to be busy with proclaiming the good news, teaching, or baptizing. They don’t appear to have done much forgiving or retaining of sins.
Or, maybe they have. Maybe the reason Peter decides to go fishing is partly because he can’t let go of what he had done; can’t help but retain the shame of his denial. Back in the courtyard of the high priest, on the night of Jesus’s arrest, around a charcoal fire, Peter was asked, three times, “You are not also one of this man’s disciples, are you?” He replied, three times, “I am not.”
I am not. We often refer to that scene as “Peter’s Denial,” and think about it in terms of Peter denying any connection to Jesus. While this is true, these same responses also served to deny this central part of Peter’s own identity.
Back in the very first chapter of John, Peter’s brother Andrew announced to him “We have found the Messiah,” and brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon son of John. You are to be called Peter - rock.” From that day, Peter followed Jesus. He listened and learned, observed and questioned. He watched Jesus heal and cast out demons, watched Jesus welcome and challenge.
So if not a disciple, after three years of following, and learning, and proclaiming, then what? Who was Peter?
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| Photo by Kimson Doan on Unsplash |
It’s not all that surprising that we find Peter back in a fishing boat. The rhythms of that work were probably deep in his bones - casting out and hauling in nets; twisting together frayed fibers; counting fish; rocking with the waves. It was familiar, and comforting, and simple. And, perhaps most importantly at this moment, it didn’t require him to face what he had done.
But if Peter thought he could hide; if he thought Jesus was done with him, he was wrong. With warmth and love Jesus seeks out his friends - seeks out Peter - and reveals himself through familiar motions. There’s Jesus, doing what he does best - providing abundantly, with nets full of fish where there previously had been nothing. There’s Jesus, doing what he does best - hosting a meal, offering bread, providing nourishment for body and soul. There’s Jesus, doing what he does best - calling them, again and again, to follow.
With the glow of sunlight rising steadily around them that morning on the beach, perhaps Peter was reminded of the resurrection morning; reminded that new life happens in so many ways. After they ate, sitting by another charcoal fire, Jesus addressed Peter. Three times, Jesus asks, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
With the pinch of that shame-filled memory bubbling to the surface, Peter replies differently this time. Not, “I am not,” but rather, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Three times, Jesus gives Peter a chance to change his answers; to claim his identity as a disciple of Jesus; to forgive himself. Three times, Jesus reminds Peter of his calling - “Feed my lambs.” “Tend my sheep.” “Feed my sheep.”
Jesus did not make a mistake in calling Peter those years earlier. Jesus knew that Peter loved him; knew all along Peter’s fears and failings, his boldness and his enthusiasm. With an abundance of grace, Peter was reminded of what he already knew - that he was connected to Jesus no matter what, and that he had important work to do for the sake of the world.
I imagine that each of us knows the voice of shame, the one that trumpets our inadequacies and replays our mistakes. I imagine that there have been times we have questioned our ability to do the work to which we have been called; times that the forgiveness we needed most to hear was our own.
Hear then this good news: the abundance of God's grace is for you, too. You have been forgiven and set free, called and claimed in the waters of baptism. You are connected to Jesus, no matter what, and you have important work to do for the sake of the world.
Like he did for his disciples, Jesus reveals himself to us in the ways he always does - in abundance, and grace, and welcome. He calls us to come and eat, reminding us that we are forgiven, and included, and connected to him. He calls us again and again to follow, reminding us of the important work we have been given - to feed and tend and care for the ones God loves, which is the whole world.
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